Widow is such a powerful word. The image it brings up is a woman dressed in black with tears streaming down her face. The age of when it happens is also important. Women who lose their husbands young and have to still raise their children often stir pity and are offered assistance by the community. Older widows are often left alone so they often congregate together. Women can seem to gather together more easily than men. Senior centers seem to have groups of widows and divorcees and often it is hard to tell them apart. There seems to be more of these women because reality is that women usually live longer than men.
Widower is different. There are not a lot of images that come up besides that of lonely old men. There is also a difference between a young person who has lost a spouse (either thru death or divorce) and an old one. Younger men have the real possibility of starting a new relationship. Older men not so much. There are not congregates of widowers. There may be groups of men who have dinner together occasionally, but it is not the same. Family gatherings are different too. Widowers are only half a family and often feel like a fifth wheel in the presence of their loved ones. Wives can center us emotionally. When they are gone we are often lost as to what to do.
I was going to a group thru hospice that was made up of people who had lost their spouses. There were about eight women and four men. One man had lost his wife about eight years ago. He said he began going to a group like this and met another woman. After a few months they began to date and eventually moved in together. The lived together for about four years until she died a few months ago. He said he is now just where he was before. He doesn’t feel like he fits in with her family and admits he is now looking for someone to start another relationship with. This was surprising to me. The group leader said that this is often the case with men. Women tend to grieve and men tend to replace. That sounds so cold, but the loneliness is real.
We were together since 1971. After we married in 1973 I think the longest we were apart at any one time was four days. This happened during seminars I attended or business trips she was on. I remember one trip she was on that lasted about five days. She left on a Sunday and came back on a Friday. I bought flowers and put love notes around the house. Thankfully there weren’t many trips like that. We were always together. She would even want to be kissed goodbye when I went to the store.
The house is filled with memories of her. The furniture is placed where she wanted and all the furniture was chosen by her. The pictures of our life keep flashing on an Amazon device. Sometimes I think I should turn it off, but that would just be another way of losing her. I know this process takes time, but I don’t know what that means.
I have been told by everyone to wait six months to a year before making any decisions. I know that is practical advice but right now I don’t know if I will feel any different at the end of that time. I have friends and relatives to talk too. I even have a counselor now but I still have to come home to an empty house. I don’t want another person in this house so maybe this is the real truth to being a widower—It is very lonely place to be.
Widower is different. There are not a lot of images that come up besides that of lonely old men. There is also a difference between a young person who has lost a spouse (either thru death or divorce) and an old one. Younger men have the real possibility of starting a new relationship. Older men not so much. There are not congregates of widowers. There may be groups of men who have dinner together occasionally, but it is not the same. Family gatherings are different too. Widowers are only half a family and often feel like a fifth wheel in the presence of their loved ones. Wives can center us emotionally. When they are gone we are often lost as to what to do.
I was going to a group thru hospice that was made up of people who had lost their spouses. There were about eight women and four men. One man had lost his wife about eight years ago. He said he began going to a group like this and met another woman. After a few months they began to date and eventually moved in together. The lived together for about four years until she died a few months ago. He said he is now just where he was before. He doesn’t feel like he fits in with her family and admits he is now looking for someone to start another relationship with. This was surprising to me. The group leader said that this is often the case with men. Women tend to grieve and men tend to replace. That sounds so cold, but the loneliness is real.
We were together since 1971. After we married in 1973 I think the longest we were apart at any one time was four days. This happened during seminars I attended or business trips she was on. I remember one trip she was on that lasted about five days. She left on a Sunday and came back on a Friday. I bought flowers and put love notes around the house. Thankfully there weren’t many trips like that. We were always together. She would even want to be kissed goodbye when I went to the store.
The house is filled with memories of her. The furniture is placed where she wanted and all the furniture was chosen by her. The pictures of our life keep flashing on an Amazon device. Sometimes I think I should turn it off, but that would just be another way of losing her. I know this process takes time, but I don’t know what that means.
I have been told by everyone to wait six months to a year before making any decisions. I know that is practical advice but right now I don’t know if I will feel any different at the end of that time. I have friends and relatives to talk too. I even have a counselor now but I still have to come home to an empty house. I don’t want another person in this house so maybe this is the real truth to being a widower—It is very lonely place to be.